Bunch O OneShots
by Salley
Summary: Just a bunch of errant thoughts that catch my attention and i have the urge to share. Pretty much it.
1. Chapter 1

This is where I will post a bunch of random things that will never get another chapter. I might continue if it's loved that much. Anyway most of them will probably be inspired by songs. That's how I roll. Just like toilet paper

If there are new characters I will explain who they are and the connection they have with the characters. K? Got it? Good.


	2. TayIzzy

**First one!! Woohoo!! **

**Inspired by: Nothing**

**Time period: After New Moon somewhere**

**Do I own twilight?: NO**

* * *

Bella's POV (hmm…haven't we had enough of her POV?)

I was sitting content in Edward's arms trying not to be annoyed by Emmett.

It all started when I was reading a magazine and Emmett sat next to me. I was reading about a girl drug addict when Emmett ripped the magazine out of my hands and started yelling 'OMG'. When he finally calmed down enough to breathe he told us that Taylor Swift is having an interview and demanded us to watch. So now we were all sitting around the TV watching Taylor Swift.

"_Do you use your music to inspire people?" The interviewer asked. _

"_Of course, music is a way I express myself. Music has always been my passion. I believe that music describes situations people are in and actually helps them cope with their problems." Taylor answered._

"Oh so now I have problems!? Pshhh!! Get a life Taylor! Music is not in everyday life!" Emmett yelled at the TV.

"Emmett," I said calmly, "I think Taylor has a point. It does help with situations."

I tried not to go back to the time….

"Whatever! I bet there is no music out there to express your feelings," He did air quotations around feelings, "For Edward."

"I know there is. I actually can think of one song that describes you right off the top of my head," I smiled evilly.

"What is it?" He and Jasper asked at the same time.

I smiled, "Goofy Goober by Spongebob."

Everybody chuckled but I couldn't help but feel uncomfortable by Rosalie's glare.

"Fine then oh wise one, you and I are going to have a contest. Your going to come up with a song for one situation in your life and for everyone in this room! We will have Alice find the judges and Carlisle will provide the food. We have one night, and isn't it convenient that Edward left to go to his cousin's birthday party? So Esme can call Charlie and ask if you can stay with Alice. Deal?"

I looked around at everybody and they all seemed to agree with it except Carlisle and Esme who know our gambling habits. Edward seemed to be angry, amused, and irritated at the same time.

I sighed, "Fine Emmett. You win, let's do this."

Carlisle immediately left saying he was picking up some pizza and Esme went to go call Charlie telling him Alice was begging me to stay.

Edward carried me up to his room and said, "Love, why in god's name did you agree with Emmett's ridiculous bet?"

Emmett barged in at that moment, "Winner gets to pick losers punishment."

And he was gone.

"He's already forming plans of torment for me in his mind, isn't he?" I questioned with a knowing look.

"Sorry love, but you got yourself into this and now you can't get out of it," Edward kissed my forehead sympathetically.

"Great," I muttered.

I made Edward leave the room with a lot of begging and got to work. I went through his CDs first but only finding one really good song I moved onto the computer. There I googled a lot of songs and found some pretty impressive songs.

"Pizza is ready!" I heard Emmett boom from downstairs.

I walked downstairs and ate my pizza, with Alice staring intently at what seemed like my forehead. When I got back in Edward's room Jasper had the list in hand.

"This is impressive," Jasper smiled.

"Thanks, now get out."

I did more research and eventually fell asleep. I had a nightmare about the outcomes of tomorrow, and they were the worst ones I had ever had.

I was awaken by Edward shaking me, "Love wake up. It's ok. I'm here."

I looked into his gold eyes and I knew it was ok.

"May I ask a question love?" He asked while my head spun around.

"Sure," I tried not to slur my words.

"Why do you keep muttering 'Emmett no not clumsy NO!'?"

I blushed, "It's a song by Fergie and I was dreaming about him telling me that was my song."

He chuckled, "Well…"

I slapped his arm, which ached a little. "You think I'm a klutz don't you?"

He looked at me with wide eyes, "N-n-no!"

I smiled as I walked down the stairs leaving him dumb stricken.

Alice smiled and gave me a high five, "That was priceless. Anyway, what's my song? Jasper won't tell me."

"Nope," I said while pouring my cereal.

She looked at me with begging eyes, "I love you like a fat kid loves cake. Please?"

"So now you want to eat me? No."

"Pleeeaasee!" She whined.

"No."

"I know things. Things you think no one knows. So tell me."

I looked at her horrified, "Edward!"

"Love don't worry. She's just trying to provoke you." He said soothingly while rubbing circles on my upper arm.

"Dammit Bella! Dammit Edward!" She threw her hands up and ran upstairs at an inhuman pace.

I looked at him with loving eyes, "Thank you."

He kissed me, "Anytime love, now let's get this over with."

I ran upstairs and grabbed my list and ran back downstairs to find Jake, Quil, and Embry all sitting at the 'judges' table.

I blushed when Quil winked at me, but Edward didn't seem too impressed. I'm pretty sure I heard him mutter something under his breath too low for me.

"Ok ladies and gentleweeds!" Emmett boomed, "You came here cause Alice probably made you. We are actually here because Bella and I made a bet. Alice has informed you so I don't have to explain myself. Again."

"I will go first because my klutzy opponent might fall," He winked, "Edward is Like A Virgin by Madonna. Alice is Material Girl. Jasper is Soldja Boy. Esme's is Mama-Mia. Carlisle is How to Save A Life by the Fray. Bella's is Clumsy by Fergie. Jacob's is You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift. Rosalie is Temperature by Sean Paul cause she has a hott ass. Oh and Esme is also Stacy's mom by Fountains of Wayne…I couldn't pick…Then I couldn't pick Jasper's either….I Gotta Feeling by The Black Eyed Peas? I don't know….Then last but not least ME, I Got Nerve by Hannah Montana! What do ya think?"

I was momentarily shocked. Everybody else was too but I knew they were for different reasons….

We had the exact same songs.

**Ok we all know Bella wouldn't pick those songs…but I thought it would be kinda funny. **

**  
Anyway it's not a good one but it's the first one so…..What do you think??**


	3. Jingle Bells!

Bella's POV

"Jingle bells, Edward smells, Esme laid an egg!" Emmett sang.

"Why are you singing Jingle Bells Emmett?" Alice hissed.

"Well obviously, it's Christmas in three days!" He smiled, "So I decided to spread the holiday cheer!"

He skipped around the living room throwing Hershey kisses at the walls and everything else, including me and the rest of the Cullens.

"Emmett you're a genius!" Esme ran in from the other room.

"Are you serious?" Jasper asked fighting a smile.

"He gave me an idea, be nice to your brother, Jasper!" Esme scolded, "We should play secret Santa!"

"Ooh! Yeah, then we can make gingerbread cookies for Klutzy!" Emmett giggled.

"Did you seriously just giggle?" Edward raised an eyebrow.

"Sure! It's just so Christmas-y!" Emmett skipped out of the room throwing more kisses.

Esme and Alice ran out of the room with Rosalie hot on their trail.

"What are they doing?" I asked Edward.

"Love, they're preparing for the secret Santa." Edward smiled his famous crooked smile that made my heart melt.

"We're done!" Alice skipped in with Esme and Rosalie.

"Deck the station! Cause Charlie needs it to be clean!" Emmett skipped in with the kisses again.

"What's that banging sound every couple seconds?" Carlisle came down from his study.

Alice rolled her eyes and continued, "You have to draw a name and then pick out a gift for them! There is no price limit and it can't be socks Emmett."

"Hey! That's the best present anybody could ever receive!" Emmet defended himself.

"Whatever, Edward block everybody. I won't look for anybody's gift either." Alice smiled shoving the bag at Jasper.

Soon everybody had their cards, and under Alice's orders, you couldn't tell anybody whose name you drew.

I leaned into Edward's chest and he growled. I looked up to see Emmett dashing towards us. He picked me up and ran. I couldn't see anything because I was too busy shouting profanities at Emmett.

"We lost him," He whisper-yelled triumphantly.

"What was that for?" I screamed; he quickly put his hand over my mouth.

"Ew, oh my god Bella! That was disgusting! Was it really necessary to lick my hand?" He was currently wiping his hand on a tree.

"Yes, Emmett, it was. Now why did you drag me out here in this freezing cold?" I asked, my teeth chattering a little.

"I needed a little advice, what do I get Edward?" He became serious instantly.

"We aren't supposed to tell anybody whose name we drew! Alice is going to kill you!" I couldn't help but smile, he actually got Edward.

"Alice can't look for the future, so technically she won't ever know! Please tell me what I should get Edward!" He pleaded, I had to think a moment and I came up blank.

"I don't know! Guitar Hero? Pink piano? A bottle of Pepsi?" I threw a few random things out there.

"Thanks, Bella! I think I got it!" He pulled me piggy-back and we were back to the house in no time.

"You're not really going to get him any of those are you?" I asked him when I thought we were out of hearing range.

He shook his head so I guessed we had entered their hearing range.

He stopped suddenly, almost sending me flying over his back.

He threw me on the ground and rolled me around. He then flopped into a snow bank and rolled around too.

"What are you doing?" I screamed, getting colder.

"We need a cover story! They can't know what we were doing! Let's pretend we had a snow ball fight!" He smiled down at me, lending me a hand.

I took it grumpily, muttering under my breath "Retard."

"I heard that you know, and you will pay."

I could finally see the house in the distance and tried to stop my teeth from chattering.

Emmett started tickling my sides, causing me to laugh. Then he started laughing and we walked in the door. I got what he was trying to do, make it seem like we had a good time.

Edward pulled me off Emmett's back and set me on the floor, wrapping me in a blanket. I smiled up at him, with a silent thank you in my eyes.

Alice then picked me up and ran into her room. She set me on the bed and ran to her closet, definitely finding me another outfit. For once I didn't care what it was, I just wanted something warm.

She came out smiling, set it on the bed, and ran down stairs. I quickly got changed, thankful she didn't go all out. It was a pair of jeans and a sweater with Rudolph on the front.

I came downstairs and tried not to laugh. Everybody else had on Christmas attire too.

Emmett was in green skinny jeans and a red muscle shirt. Jasper had on footy pajamas with Santa and reindeer all over it. Alice had on a v-neck top with Christmas lights all over the stomach and green skinny jeans like Emmett. Rosalie had on the same outfit as Alice but the colors were reversed. Carlisle and Esme were Mr. and Mrs. Claus. Edward was an elf, which was glaring at Alice.

"Hmm…" Was all I murmured; not wanting to offend anyone.

"Love, you look the most decent of us all. Not to mention the most beautiful." Edward pulled me into his chest.

"Alice!" Emmett whined, "Can I please change? This is probably more horrifying to the human, than anybody else."

Alice rolled her eyes, "Rose probably thinks you look hot."

Rosalie shook her head no.

I smiled; this was my family.

************************Christmas Morning**************************

"Wake up, love." Edward gently shook me awake.

I groaned, "No."

"It's Christmas," Edward reminded me.

"All the more reason to sleep. Spread the love, you know?" I looked between small slits in my eyes.

"Here comes Charlie. See you soon." He gave me a quick kiss on the ear and disappeared.

My door cracked open and my dad's head poked through, "Merry Christmas, Bells!"

"Dad!" I groaned.

"Were you asleep?" He asked worriedly.

"No, I better see zip presents under that Christmas tree." I threatened.

"What's the point of putting the tree up if you can't put presents under it?" He asked leaving the room.

I groaned and got out of bed. When I got downstairs, I was relieved to only see two presents under the tree.

"You first dad." I smiled, handing him his present.

"Oh what could it be?" He asked sarcastically, I was sure he couldn't guess what it was.

He opened up the box and found the new tackle box I got him.

"Bells, you shouldn't have!" He seemed to be fighting tears.

"Dad, it's for you, of course I should have." I smiled and gave him a hug.

"Well it's your turn." He smiled, shoving the present to me.

I opened it, afraid he got me underwear or something horrifying like that.

It was a brand new I-pod touch.

"Dad, it's beautiful thanks so much!" I gave him another hug.

"Well it's better than that other dinosaur you got over there." He motioned to my old I-pod that was actually an I-pod Mini. It's so old it still has a black and white screen.

"Go upstairs and put your music on it. I think Edward is going to be here soon." He smiled, I knew he didn't like Edward very much, but he was softening up a bit.

I ran upstairs and got my music on it.

"I'm going to La-Push for a while. Then I'll head down to the Cullens. Is that ok Bells?" My dad asked.

"Sure, are you bringing Sue?" I asked.

"Yeah," He smiled sheepishly.

"It's ok dad, we all know your dating." I rolled my eyes.

"Bye Bells." He ignored my comment.

"Have fun!" I yelled.

After he left I went downstairs and the games on my I-pod. It was hard. I almost fell of the couch, trying to get the ball to the other side of the field.

It was weird, but football was the best game on the I-pod.

I was actually going all around the house playing it.

When I walked upstairs I got a touchdown and I screamed, "Take that Denver!"

Edward chuckled, making me scream. My heart felt like it was going to jump right out of my chest.

"Playing football are you?" He motioned to my I-pod.

I shrugged, "It was the best game."

Edward rolled his eyes, "Let's go."

The car ride there was peaceful, but not so much when we got there.

"Bella has arrived!" Emmett yelled coming down with bells all around his arms and a horn in each hand.

"Emmett!" Edward seethed.

"What?" Emmett asked innocently.

Edward then chased Emmett into the woods with a definite thud.

I walked inside, trying to find Alice, but only to find Jasper.

"Hello," Jasper greeted.

"Hey, do you know where Alice is?" I asked.

He nodded, "I will have to take you there. May I pick you up?"

"Sure, you're the first one to ask."

He picked me up gently, while holding his breath. I instantly felt bad; he was in pain the whole time I was here.

"Why are you guilty?" He asked curiously.

"You're in pain the whole time I'm here. I don't want you to be in pain." I shrugged.

"Bella, I'm not in pain. Whenever you're here I feel so much better, you make Edward feel so at peace and…it's something I've never really seen in anyone before. It's such a great feeling. It's nowhere near pain." He assured me with a wink.

Soon I could here Alice's bell of a voice humming in the distance.

"Aww!!" Alice cooed, snapping a picture, "Thanks Jazz! Now leave!"

Jasper sprinted without another word, probably not wanting to get in trouble with his pixie like wife.

"Sit!" She pointed to the chair.

I opened my mouth to object but her glare made me decide differently.

I sat down and she instantly got to work. I didn't want to be dolled up but I didn't have a choice, so I decided to let my mind wander.

Why did Alice have a salon in the middle of the woods? Why couldn't we be in her room? Why did Edward attack Emmett? Where were the rest of the Cullens?

I decided I didn't want to know.

"All done!" She bounced over to the closet she set up.

"What's on the agenda for today?" I asked Alice conversationally.

She bounced out of the closet in a _very small_ elf dress.

"What. The. He-" I was cut off.

"Do you like it?" She twirled.

Of course, she looked like a goddess in anything.

"Yeah, of course I do." I was surprised I could lie so convincingly.

"Good because I got one like it for you!" She smiled and ran back into the closet.

"No, Alice!" I groaned.

We spent the next hour fighting over whether or not I should wear it. Of course, Alice won.

I stepped out of the closet and she clapped.

"It's perfect!" I could see the triumph deep in her eyes.

"No, it's humiliating and sluttish," I said.

"It's kind of funny how you put your hand on your hip." She analyzed me, for the millionth time.

I quickly put down my hand, "I'm taking it off."

Before she could answer a blur burst through the trees. You could hear screaming and shredding of what sounded like clothes.

"Guys!" Alice screamed murderously, only then did I notice it was Edward and Emmett, maybe even Jasper.

Soon you could see each individual person. Indeed, Jasper was in the wrestling match.

Three male heads snapped to my frozen form.

"Holy shi-" Emmett started.

"Oh my god, Edward!" Jasper looked at Edward desperately.

"B-Be-Bella?" Edward stuttered.

I looked at Jasper and Edward curiously, wondering why Jasper was…_Ohhhhh. _

Edward was…turned on?

I smiled and did a spin.

"Keep it in your pants, Edward." Emmett smiled, realizing what I had.

"You like?" I smiled wider.

Edward gulped and nodded, with eyes the size of dinner plates.

"Bells, you look _hot_." Emmett ran his eyes over my body, again.

Edward glared at Emmett, and Emmett just shrugged.

"I want to go home." I informed Edward.

"I'll take her home!" Emmett volunteered.

"N-no, I'll do it." Edward got up kind of dazed.

He slowly got up, for a vampire, and walked over to me. He looked like he was taking each step with care, like he was a human walking on glass.

He slowly slid his arms under me and lifted me up.

He leaned down to kiss me, and Emmett screamed a girlish-horrified scream.

"It's just a squirrel Emmett!" Jasper screamed while Alice muttered, "Wimp."

"I'm not a wimp! It's a demon squirrel; it's going to eat us all!" He ran.

Soon after you heard him scream, "It's one of his allies: the tree root!"

Then you heard a thud, and another horror scream.

"What a retard." I muttered after a long silence. They all shook their heads in agreement.

Edward took off with Jasper and Alice hot on his heels. We spent the whole run home in awkward silence.

When we walked in I received a more than awkward stare from Esme.

"Bella dear what are you wearing?" She asked.

I just pointed to Alice, she nodded understandingly.

Edward ran upstairs and I quickly grabbed my bag and ran into the bathroom.

"Oh no you don't!" I heard Alice screech.

"Don't come in! I'm naked!" I threatened.

"As if we care!" She barged.

"Alice!" I screamed trying to cover my _revealed_ body parts.

"Sorry." She muttered shutting the door.

I was more than humiliated. I quickly shoved on some jeans and a Spartans sweatshirt.

"Bella-" Edward started.

"Not now." I stalked off to find Alice.

She was hiding behind Emmett.

_Clever._

"Alice Mary Brandon Cullen." I pronounced each syllable precisely.

"Yes?" She asked.

"How could you do that to me?" I exploded, "Not only did you put me in a small dress that barely covered my butt; you opened the door when you knew good and well that I was naked behind it. Then to top it all off Edward was standing_ right there._ I mean seriously, what were you thinking?"

I stopped pacing to glare at her but nobody was looking at me. They were all looking at Charlie and Sue, who had heard my whole rant.

"What?" Charlie asked in disbelief_._

I looked frantically from face to face.

"Hope you like our Christmas play! You missed the start though." Emmett quickly blurted.

Well…was there a better excuse?

"What?" Sue asked glaring at all the Cullens.

"Please excuse the children, they each had three gingerbread men and have been acting like this all day." Carlisle said.

Charlie laughed, "Happened before, hasn't it Bells?"

I blushed and nodded.

Emmett's laughter boomed all around the house.

"Ready to open presents?" Esme asked.

We all headed to the couch.

I sat next to Edward and thankfully nobody sat on somebody else's lap.

"You first Edward!" Emmett shoved his present to Edward.

Edward unwrapped his present and I laughed, it was a piano that had a string to go around your neck. It was colored in Pepsi bottles. The best part was that it was hot pink.

Everybody laughed and Emmett smiled, "Merry Christmas bro."

I looked around and noticed everybody had opened their presents.

Rosalie was admiring the pink mirror that Alice had got her and Esme was smiling at the picture of all of us that Jasper wrapped. Emmett was checking out all the 'sweet' songs he got on his Guitar Hero that he got from Carlisle. Alice was admiring the heels she got from Rosalie. Jasper was laughing at the union outfit Edward got him all the while muttering, "I'm gonna burn it Edward".

Carlisle was trying on the new stethoscope I got him, "Glad you like it Carlisle."

"It's from you Bella, of course I love it." He smiled at me.

"It's your turn Bella!" Esme sang handing me a box covered in Santa wrapping paper.

I opened it and smiled; it was me and Edward kissing under the mistletoe last year and on the bottom it said, "Lovebirds."

"I love it Esme! Thanks so much!" I smiled.

"Merry Christmas." Edward whispered in my ear.

"Merry Christmas to you too."

I slowly leant over to kiss him and when our lips touched one thought ran through my head:

_Best Christmas ever._


End file.
